Imaginary Friend: a piece of my childhood psychology (an Adlerian perspective)

My childhood was lonely; I was a lonely child. I don’t really know why it was, but I think it occurred because my character tended to be superior. However, I tended to dominate my sociality. I tended to dominate my peer groups. It had no problem with friends who have similar age range to me, but it became a problem toward number of friends who are elder than me. They thought I would be dangerous person toward their domination in such peer group; therefore, they used to insult and bother me when I gathered to the group. Their behaviors very distressed me. Although I couldn’t remember how often, how many and how numerous were it, but I can even feel it and, surely, It really hurt my heart.

What I used to do then, I isolated myself from my social or peer groups. Yet, I enjoyed being alone. I played my toys, made reliefs using sand and clay, watched TV alone. In my loneliness, as the matter of fact, I realized that I created an imaginary friend in order to company me within my days. The name of my imaginary friend is Batuk. I realized I gave it name to him and I don’t even know how I got it name. It just came to my mind, I gave it to him then he smile to me. Moreover, I simply realized that Batuk wasn’t real; he didn’t exist even though his appearance was so real, so obvious for me. It was just my imagination but I enjoyed when I had a play with him. In addition, I also created some imaginary friends soon after I created Batuk.

I don’t know why I added more imaginary friends. Maybe it caused by feeling that I really enjoy play with someone who never insults me, and always knows what I want. They used to company and entertain me anytime and anywhere I want. They kept me away for being lonely. I used to play something while imagine Batuk sitting next to me, even so, the other imaginary friends also play surrounding me and batuk. Actually, it was just my imagination and I was a loner who always lonely and did something alone. I forget how many imaginary friends I had created besides Batuk.

Thus, in my earlier social pattern age, I had a thought: If I involved in a group, I always tended to dominate it, but if I can’t dominate, it’d be better if I out of that group than become a follower within. The imaginary friend’s episode was emerged in my earlier life (when I was three years old).

My imaginary friends include batuk were gradually disappeared from my consciousness when I entered kindergarten. It is easy why they were gone; because I had new friends in my kindergarten. I felt joyful when I played with my kindergarten friend; hence, my willingness for having an ideal sociality through my imagination has completely gone.

For me, it’s easy to get superiority legitimation in school such as kindergarten and elementary school: get higher academic scores and be the top three pupils’/students’ rank. If I get those prestigious ranks, other students will give me a hood, and admit me as the clever student (this is my superiority complex pattern when I was in kindergarten and earlier time at elementary school). From those superiority complex experiences, I became more confident to join in any peer group and my big family.

I lately become aware that the profound character of mine tends to be dominance and won’t to be inferior.